Why my wife is my friend

January 17, 2012 in Husband with 0 Comments

This past Sunday at our Real Marriage Campaign, we discussed the importance of being friends with your spouse. For Brandy and I we struggled with this concept for years. Mainly because we never had the opportunity to become friends. Maybe you can relate to our experience. Married at a young age, within a year you became parents, and with all of life’s curves it became hard to see each other as friends. With roles as Husband and Wife, Mom and Dad, Friend seems almost obscure. It cannot be this way! Friendship is vital to the realtionship, and something we should strive to be at all times. As the class ended I could not help but think of reasons why my wife is my friend,

1. She loves me when others don’t: This is especially true in the church world. As Pastors we will spend the majority of our time with people who really do not love us, when we should be spending time with the one who married us!

2. She accepts me for my mistakes: We all screw up, when we do its great to be around people who accept my mistakes as part of the process.

3. She meets my needs, and desires: As I should meet hers! This is the fun and exciting part of a friendship! As Mark Driscoll says, This is the friendship with benefits

4. She prays for me: This is something I need, and I know I am receiving!

5. She keeps things real: You can ask anyone, I am a visionary, she is a realist, i need her as much if not more than she needs me

6. Her criticism is friendly not antagonistic: A lot of time criticism  can come off as an attack, Brandy’s comes from different point of view.

7. She constantly makes me better: Brandy and I have been married for 13 going on 14 years, and yes we do fight! However she has constantly made me a better man.

8. She has seen me naked: I will never be able to impress her again, and she is still here!

I know what you are thinking? Most of these are characteristics of a wife. Yes, that is the best part! When you can mesh the roles of friend and  spouse together it should be hard to determine the difference.

How about you? Is your spouse your friend? Is this an area you struggle with? For us it has, but well worth the reward !

I Assume Thee to be My Lawfully Wedded Wife

January 10, 2012 in Husband, Marriage with 1 Comment

This past week we kicked off our Real Marriage Campaign. While studying I found this in a book I am reading called, The Most Important Year in a Womans/Mans Life.  In the book I found this interesting chapter on roles of a man/woman:

Back in 1955, in a magazine called Housekeeping Monthly, an article for women appeared in the May 13 edition. It was titled “The Good Wife’s Guide,”10. and it outlined, in detail, the unique role a wife should play in a healthy marriage. In that very different world, expectations for wives were so clearly prescribed that they appear laughable to us today. Here are a few of those tips for being a “good wife”—at least in the 1950s:

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.

• Prepare yourself. Take fifteen minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair, and be fresh looking.

• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

• Clear away the clutter. Take one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc., and then run a dust cloth over the tables.

• During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

• Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures, and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, or vacuum cleaner. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first—remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

• Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or to other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

• Don’t complain if he’s home late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing, and pleasant voice.

• Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

Wolgemuth, Robert; DeVries, Mark; DeVries, Susan; Wolgemuth, Bobbie; Zondervan (2010-09-21). Most Important Year in a Woman’s Life/The Most Important Year in a Man’s Life, The (Kindle Locations 855-864). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

Times have changed haven’t they! For some unfortunately we still live in the past in regards to the assumptions of our wives. Bishop Wellington Boone, coined the phrase, “Your Wife Ain’t Your MOMMA!” The problem is some of us treat our wives as just that! Our Momma’s. We grow up with some sort of catering to by out mothers. Breakfast on the table, new clothes laid out on bed, some one to take care of us when we are sick, or when we have a boo boo. Then we marry  assuming that  our wives will pick up where our moms left off.  This is wrong! Quit assuming and start reading on the expectations of a true Godly marriage.

When you got married, what assumptions did you have for your spouse? How did that turn out?